While I love cloves, cinnamon and ginger, I’m not really into pumpkin spice latte!
At all.
Now, you make carrot cake and throw all that in, and I’m all over it! Especially if dowsed with cream cheese icing – all sugar and full-fat, non of that healthy skimmed stuff. If we’re going to do it: let’s go all the way.
I’m not in the mood yet for Christmas!
In September, some department stores were already bringing out Christmas decorations. My favourite department store does a beautiful thing: first, they do a sale in September of Christmas decorations (all the ones from last year). When I remember to show up there in September, I can pick up many bargains. Then, after their sale, they bring out the stock for this year, and I might go back in November to pick up a few choice decorations for the tree.
But believe me, I don’t want to listen to Christmas carols while shopping if it’s not December.
There is one exception to this. You are allowed to play this in November:
And the only reason this is an exception: I have to go looking for it to hear it. No one puts this song on, so it’s never played “too often”.
I may choose to continue carrying the Jingle Bell Rock with me all the way through to Thanksgiving!
Did you know there’s a World Mother-in-Law day?
Not only was there “National Internet Day” and “Chocolate Day”, but there was also a special day for that special lady that everyone loves to hate.
What’s up with this myth that all mothers-in-law are witches? I get it, they aren’t necessarily the most accessible people to get along with, but are they all wrong?
It’s much like stepmothers. If fairytales are to be believed, every stepmother is a wicked stepmom.
Chocolate day – only ONE day of the year?
I’m still trying to work out why we even need a day for chocolate.
Isn’t every day “chocolate day”?
There was a “Cranky Co-Worker Day” and even an “Emotional Intelligence Day”. You can imagine what happened on my Facebook timeline – it might have been emotional, and if by intelligent you mean sarcastic and witty, yes!
Ever asked yourself: “what’s missing in my life?” – what’s missing when I feel unmotivated? What have I overlooked when I am “stuck” and failing to move forward?
Or what might be missing if I feel unable to make a “good” choice? When I am not taking care of my well-being – why do I forget to put on my oxygen mask first? Or when I am struggling with gratitude, what do I need to do?
How can I do a better job at following through?
What should I focus on when I want to have fun? And where should I look when I want to connect with my soul?
And, in every case, I come back to the lack of integration or alignment between my multiple brains (or intelligence centres, as I prefer to call them)!
I mean the neural networks that exist within your body. Intelligence centres. They are “complex, adaptive neurons and interconnections between the neurons, with support (glial) cells”. A “brain” has its own memory and can adapt from within (neuroplasticity). It is much more complex than a group of neurons (nerve cells). In this sense, both the heart and gut have their own brains – independent in some respects from the head brain.
The “gut-brain”
Some scientists refer to our gut (enteric neural network) as the “second brain”. It comprises some 100 million neurons – more than the spinal cord. This is not a thinking brain—it does not reason, balance your chequebook, compose a love note or solve multi-linear regressions. Conscious thoughts or decision-making are unnoticeable. But it responds and reacts to situations – “a gut feeling”, focusing on “self-preservation” as well as your security (immune system). This “enteric brain” in your belly goes far beyond just processing the food you eat, creating hormones and controlling your immune responses!
Your gut-brain – this neural network in your innards – in connection with the big one in your skull – determines mental states. It also plays a key role in certain diseases throughout the body. Did you know – for example – that about 90 per cent of the fibres in your vagus nerve (the largest & longest nerve that runs between the brain and the gut) carry information to the brain? Only 10% of the fibres in the vagus nerve bring instructions back from the brain to the gut!
The “heart brain.”
Similarly, the heart-brain (cardiac neural network) is a network of several types of neurons, neurotransmitters, proteins and support cells. It acts independently of the cranial brain – to learn, remember and even feel and sense. As it interacts with our thoughts and actions, changes in emotions are accompanied by predictable changes in the heart rate, blood pressure & respiration.
So, while there is a general acceptance that there are these three brains: head, heart & gut – there are also complex neural networks throughout the body that may influence us in ways that science still understands. We are in no way saying that these brains stand alone. The body is a complex, integrated whole. Nonetheless, these specified brains’ autonomy is much greater than previously thought.
VALUES – processing what’s important to you and your priorities (and its relationship to the emotional strength of your aspirations, dreams, desires, etc.)
RELATIONAL AFFECT – your felt connection with others (e.g. feelings of love/hate/indifference, compassion/uncaring, like/dislike, etc.)
GUT-BRAIN PRIME FUNCTIONS
CORE IDENTITY – a deep and visceral sense of core self, and determining at the deepest levels what is ‘self’ versus ‘not-self’
SELF-PRESERVATION – protection of self, safety, boundaries, hunger, and aversions
MOBILIZATION – motility, an impulse for action, gutsy courage and the will to act
HEAD BRAIN PRIME FUNCTIONS
COGNITIVE PERCEPTION – cognition, perception, pattern recognition, etc.
THINKING – reasoning, abstraction, analysis, synthesis, meta-cognition etc.
MAKING MEANING – semantic processing, languaging, narrative, metaphor, etc.
How we speak about our brain functions
Think, for a moment, about the way our language reflects this “ancient wisdom”:
Language of the Head Brain (the home of cognitive perception, making meaning and thinking things through)
I have got to think this through. I don’t understand. How I see it is. I can’t get it out of my head.
The language of the Heart Brain (the home of emotions, values and relating to others) My heart is not in this. She wears her heart on her sleeve. I was heartbroken.
The language of the Gut-Brain (the home of self-preservation, identity, and motivation) Trust your gut. I have got butterflies in my stomach. I haven’t got the guts to do it.
So what’s missing?
So, when we lack motivation – what’s missing? Typically, what’s missing is “movement”, which lies within our gut. You lack “the guts” to move forward consistently. We are often driven by our passion and desires, but our hearts can be frivolous, and when the going gets tough, the heart gives up quickly. The gut, on the other hand, holds our “long game”.
But, your gut also has to be convinced that this option offers the most safety and security. It will accept a short-term risk for a long-term gain – but part of your gut’s role is “self-preservation”. So, when your heart gets all excited about doing something new and is passionate about making a change in your life – taking you outside of your comfort zone – your gut is probably the one that’s saying, “I need safety”.
We will not be moving forward on this project until I am convinced that this is safe.
When was the last time you had a conversation with your gut? Specifically, take a moment of silence and listen to your gut. Digest the deep knowing and wisdom that is held there.
Does your head brain take the time (because the gut takes time to digest and communicate) to actually listen to what the gut has to say? Can you calm the monkey mind long enough to give your gut a voice?
Leading from the heart
For us to feel fulfilled and satisfied, however, our heart needs to be wholly involved – it’s no good to just not listen to our feelings & simply wait on our gut! Because our gut will always choose safety over fun or passion! Your gut may not trust your heart – because your heart never takes the time to listen to caution.
At the same time, if we are all logical and analytical – others may ask, “where’s your heart?”. In the same way, we can make ourselves miserable if we only pay attention to our thoughts, ignoring our feelings because we don’t want to be seen as soft or wearing our hearts on our sleeves! Are your thoughts simply running wild on you? Or perhaps your inner critic just won’t even take a breath and be quiet for long enough for you to sit in the quiet silence to listen.
When we lead from the heart, life is sweeter! The difficulty lies in leading from the heart, while listening to the logic and analysis from your head and following your gut instinct.
Communication between our brains
Most of us suffer from the overwhelm by thoughts and/or feelings. Our head floods us with thoughts, fears & criticism. Our heart floods our thinking with emotions. And our gut stubbornly digs its heels in and refuses to budge!
How do you move past this impasse?
When you understand how each brain works – the language it uses, the time & space that it works best in, the trust it requires to speak up and be heard by the other intelligence centres… THEN you can start to make experience the highest expression of each intelligence centre.
There’s no point in asking your heart to be rational. That’s not its job!
Don’t ask your gut to analyse a problem and brainstorm solutions – that’s the head’s role!
But if you would just take a moment, daily, to listen to the collective wisdom… of establishing a space where each intelligence centre got to have its say… and asked each other intelligence centre to listen… you might be amazed at the new solutions – better solutions – the highest expressions of wisdom that you might come up with.
It takes patience and practice to achieve this – a change of habits and way of “thinking”. You must “rethink” your entire decision-making process – but what are the long-term benefits? Immeasurable.
How different would your life be if you were sure with each decision you took that you had considered all factors that for YOU were important – compassion & connection with others (your self-care as well as caring for others), your most creative options & solutions and that this was really the best choice for YOU?
Wouldn’t this be worth learning to do things differently?
In 2012 Grant Soosalu & Marvin Oka published mBraining: Using your multiple brains to do cool stuff. This book studies in depth the scientific knowledge that is finally catching up with esoteric and spiritual traditions (ancient wisdom) that are, in many cases, thousands of years old, introducing a new coaching style called mBIT: multiple Brain Integration Techniques.
This book and the techniques that they introduced answered a fundamental dilemma that most of us are faced with at one moment or another:
Should I follow my heart?
No, I should use my head.
Perhaps I should trust my gut.
Which inner wisdom should you choose?
So many guides are telling us to just flow with life – to live from the inside-out, but if only this were easy! I get it – I need to listen to my inner wisdom – but how do I choose which one?
Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all. — Aristotle
So, today I want to explore this ancient wisdom before diving into the alignment that we find in mBraining – aligning all the parts of our being around our life purpose so we can move ahead coherently.
Ancient Wisdom
The three intelligence centres
Many aspects of ancient wisdom point to three – or more – intelligence centres. You will hear many talks about “aligning your chakras” or energy centres, as well as other philosophies which recommend that we not allow one to rule another. The most significant power and wisdom are when we go within and allow ourselves to work from a place of inner coherence and authenticity.
Chinese Taoist philosophy
The Three Tan Tiens are identified as being the three minds or “intelligences” or “energy centres”:
Upper Tan Tien = head brain
Middle Tan Tien = heart
Lower Tan Tien = abdomen
In practising Qigong (also known as chi kung or chi gung), you usually start with the lower centre and return to this centre at the end to store your chi (life energy). On the other hand, the heart centre turns chi into spiritual energy, which is often considered the primary energy centre for women. Activating the heart centre is considered to ensure that you come from a place of deep love and compassion in your life. The upper tan tien is the last one which is activated and is considered to be the spiritual enlightenment.
4,700 years of the Tao practice recommends to us: “Train all the organs; train them how to do different things.” You can rest the head brain when you’re not using it – and use the brain in the gut instead. With the simple practice of alignment – smiling with compassion to all the organs – you learn to integrate body, mind & spirit. They are no longer separate.
The purpose, of course, is to reach a place of balance between all of these centres – where one of them does not produce or store too much energy, but rather each allows energy to flow.
Enneagram & Gurdjieff
Another ancient wisdom, the enneagram is a model of the human psyche, understood and taught as a typology of nine interconnected personality types. It is generally thought to be based on the work of Oscar Ichazo and Claudio Naranjo, as influenced by Gurdjieff. Gurdjieff – philosopher and mystic from the 1800s – was convinced that we had three brains:
intellectual
emotional
body-ruling of movement/instinct
We can see this partially reflected in Ichazo’s description of ego-fixation in the enneagram. In ego-fixation, as with some of Gurdjieff’s thoughts, we are not in alignment, fixated only on one intelligence centre, to the exclusion of the rest.
We also find in Gurdjieff’s thoughts the idea that until we are in complete alignment, we are not fully human:
“partial functioning — the investment of function in one particular brain without referring to the others — is not what it means to be human.” — The Three Brains
Hawaiian Philosophy of Huna
Even in the Huna ancient wisdom, we find the idea of the three “minds” or selfs, although somewhat different from those described above. These are particularly of interest to me as a student of Ho’oponopono.
Here, we identify the three levels as being:
The “low self” – Unihipili – the subconscious. Resting in the solar plexus.
The “middle self” – Uhane – the conscious mind – logic, free will. Head.
The “high self” – Aumakua – the mind. This part of us expresses all the divine qualities, such as compassion, patience, love, and forgiveness. Aumakua is not within the body but connected to the Unihipili using a silver energy cord.
It is this high self that brings us into the Oneness with all living things – because while we have here our individual identity, it is also the interconnected consciousness and blending of all other high selves at the same time.
Similarly, Kabbalah speaks about the three levels of the soul. As you can see, different ancient wisdoms present intelligence centres from different perspectives and different ways.
Nonetheless, all of them tend to agree on one thing – bringing them into alignment is essential. And there is one common practice and thread throughout them: forms of meditation and mindfulness.
Studies on meditation
We now know, from multiple studies, that meditation literally changes the structure of the brain (well, the head brain – more on that later). It can change how we pay attention and focus, how we process our emotions and even the control of the Autonomic Nervous System. Through the practice of mindfulness, compassion, and loving-kindness, we see consistent results of changes in behaviour, mood and even the structure of neural pathways.
As Aliston Walton points out in a 2015 Forbes article:
the left hippocampus – cognitive ability and memory; emotional regulators associated with self-awareness and empathy
posterior cingulate – linked to wandering thoughts and self-relevance – the stronger this part of the brain is, the less your thoughts wander
pons – part of the brain where many of the neurotransmitters that help regulate brain activity are produced; it is also involved in sleep, facial expressions, processing sensory input, and basic physical functioning
temporoparietal junction (often referred to as the TPJ) – used for empathy and compassion – putting yourself in someone else’s shoes.
Balanced Breathing
mBraining focuses not so much on meditative practices, but rather on balanced breathing – often associated with mindfulness and also with intentional relaxation and focusing of the attention. The balanced breathing assists us to bring the autonomic nervous system into balance, as well as impacting the heart (cardiac brain).
All of this allows us to bring ourselves back into a coherent state, one where we can quietly listen to our inner thoughts and connect with our inner wisdom, without the noise of the monkey mind, as well as working to improve sleep patterns, processing messages from our different senses and practicing greater empathy and compassion.
Neuroscience
With MRI technology and scanners that were not available for earlier generations of researchers, neuroscientists today can study neural pathways not only in our heads but in our hearts, our guts and every our ANS (autonomic nervous system). This has even resulted in new specialisations:
neuro-cardiology – the overlap of cardiology and neurology.
Neurogastroenterology – the overlap of gastroenterology and neurology.
The gut
With 500 million neurons the enteric nervous system – the gut-brain – can affect your mood, decisions, and behavior! More importantly, the connection from the gut to the brain is not simply one through hormonal changes and chemical changes, but actual electrical synapses – like other senses of sight, smell, sound, touch or taste. This means that the gut is constantly communicating to the head brain information, and even making decisions and responses, perhaps before you are even aware of them!
Even when the vagus nerve (connecting the gut to the head brain) is severed, the enteric brain is capable of continuing to function independently. So, while valuable communication may be lost, it does not render the gut useless or unable to independently function.
The heart
Similarly, the heart has it’s own “brain” – a system of neural networks that can work independently from what we traditionally would call our “brain”. One of the most interesting parts of what was presented by Grant Soosalu and Marvin Oka in mBraining, is the studies of patients whose personalities (even memories) were changed following heart transplants. How is possible that emotional or thinking parts of a person are changed from “a change of heart”?
“The behaviors and emotions acquired by the recipient from the original donor are due to the combinatorial memories stored in the neurons of the organ donated. Heart transplants are said to be the most susceptible to cell memory where organ transplant recipients experienced a change of heart.” —Can An Organ Transplant Change A Recipient’s Personality? Cell Memory Theory Affirms ‘Yes’
The more we know, the less we know.
But, what is becoming apparent is that the human body is the sum of many parts, all of which need to work together harmoniously and coherently for health and happiness.
The benefits of mBraining
The problem for most of us is that we are taught in school and throughout life:
be rational
you’re thinking about this all wrong
you just need to change your mindset
you just need to think positive
use your head
Thinking (a function of the head brain) and doing (a function of the gut-brain) are highly prized. But what is the meaning of life we aren’t loving what we do? And if there is no love and compassion guiding our choices?
And yet, when we follow our heart, we are the happiest – until we make terrible mistakes that were not thought through very well.
But somehow, we are lead to believe that it’s one or another. You can’t have it all. If you follow your heart, you are not being rational or thinking things through properly. If you use your gut instinct, you need to stop wearing your heart on your sleeve.
In our world today, we are paying the price for simply being logical and rational, taking action without using our hearts and compassion:
trashing the environment
over-population
consumerism & greed
stress and lack of self-care
imbalance of priorities
social breakdown and disintegration
unethical corporate behaviour & greed
corruption
Alignment
Through the multiple brain integration techniques offered by mBraining, it’s possible to align all the intelligence centres – leading from the heart with compassion, using creativity to come up with new solutions, and courageously moving forward, acting on those goals and dreams.
There’s no need to lay aside rational thinking or reason to be compassionate. There is a better way, where inner wisdom emerges from a place of coherence – feeling, thinking, speaking and doing with mind, body & soul.
Inner conflict shows up in so many ways, shapes and forms. Some say that the more mental beliefs, ideals, expectations, and desires we have, the more likely we will suffer from internal conflict.
Sometimes, it is a mental conflict, such as cognitive dissonance — inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes.
Other times, it feels worse: caught between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, this is what I “should” do, but this is what I want to do. Or perhaps, you even want both things; they seem diametrically opposed to each other. Confused about the options and choices you are faced with, you wonder how to resolve the conundrum.
At other times, you finally achieve something you wanted and worked so hard for — such as “success” — only to discover that it doesn’t feel how you thought it would!
On a deeper level, you may struggle with your identity (or the labels you’ve placed on your identity). These might be labels such as “good wife“, “good mother”, “successful executive” or “intrepid entrepreneur”. And then you beat yourself up, feeling you’ve lost the balance between your career or achievements and your family. It’s also possible you are financially secure, torn between “I don’t need to do this” and part of you saying, “yes, but I want to”. When you want to explore self-identity and independence, feeling sad, bored or unfulfilled in the roles that you have been playing, you might feel guilty for not being happy and satisfied with the life you have.
Types of internal conflict
Many of our inner conflicts are first-world problems:
Existential conflict and mid-life crisis – when you feel confusion and discomfort even though others may be looking at your life thinking everything is perfect! You have the life you said you wanted. You have the life others want. And yet, somehow, it feels empty! Is this really as good as it gets?
“I want to leave my job and start my own business” – and the resulting insecurities of what will others in the corporate world think of my choice;
Authenticity and being true to yourself – many of our inner conflicts are about feeling that we have to choose between living up to other people’s expectations and being true to ourselves. We get busy living in “should”, rather than “could” and “will”. I want to change my schedule, but others expect me to show up. What will happen to my relationships if I say no? Will they think I’m selfish?
Maybe I should start to transition my business to my children and step down into semi-retirement. Still, I’m unsure if they are ready for the responsibility and whether this will cause instability in the business. What will I do if I retire and no longer run my business?
I want to be a stay-at-home mom because we can afford it, but will I get bored if I stay home. What about my career and all the hard work I’ve done so far to get where I have? or
I should go to _____________, but I really want one day of momcation, without any responsibilities and a little self-care! I want to get away from all the responsibilities for a few days! But I’m a good mum.
We all have moments of internal conflict.
Whatever the case, this inner conflict can leave us feeling angst, anger, frustration, insecurity, powerlessness, distress or confusion.
And so, we end up at —
I don’t know how to choose!
A new path to resolve inner conflict
Many coaches and professionals today recognise the need to balance the head and the heart – the wanting (feeling) and the knowing (intellect). In fact, we are seeing a broader acknowledgement of the need for compassion in business leadership and the role empathy plays in corporations.
If we look at inner conflict from an NLP (neuro-linguist programming) perspective, we are only going to look at the mental conflict and feelings from the perspective of how you process those feelings. Our head brain processes feelings. But it doesn’t feel them. It gives them names and descriptions (oh, that feeling is sad; this feeling is joyous).
This conflict occurs between your left and right brain (head brain). This occurs because the left and right hemispheres have different attributes and functions, typically described as logical versus creative/artistic. Some even talk about these as being “logical” versus “bad”. I certainly would disagree with this – because many of the aspects of the right brain functions are what make us creative and allow us to think “outside the box”.
And so, NLP will speak about someone being “in two minds” – weighing up the ideas and concepts of the left and right hemispheres of the head brain.
Nonetheless, mBraining takes this further in resolving the inner conflict. mBraining accepts that you may be “in two minds” or have more than two conflicting options and opinions. What you know and think may not align with what you want and may not satisfy your needs! And your knowing, wanting and needs may conflict with “, but this is who I am”. mBraining acknowledges that there are three principal neural networks (brains), which act as primary intelligence centres – head, heart & gut brains. (I’ll let you in on a little secret – there are more than 3 intelligence centres, but I’ll just talk about the main three here!). Brain functions So, from the mBraining perspective, you have your head, heart, and gut. These have the following primary functions (taken from the mBraining book). HEART BRAIN PRIME FUNCTIONS EMOTING – emotional processing (e.g. anger, grief, hatred, joy, happiness, etc.) VALUES – processing what’s important to you and your priorities (and its relationship to the emotional strength of your aspirations, dreams, desires, etc.) RELATIONAL AFFECT – your felt connection with others (e.g. feelings of love/hate/indifference, compassion/uncaring, like/dislike, etc.) GUT-BRAIN PRIME FUNCTIONS CORE IDENTITY – a deep and visceral sense of core self, and determining at the deepest levels what is ‘self’ versus ‘not-self.’ SELF-PRESERVATION – protection of self, safety, boundaries, hungers, and aversions MOBILIZATION – motility, impulse for action, gutsy courage and the will to act HEAD BRAIN PRIME FUNCTIONS COGNITIVE PERCEPTION – cognition, perception, pattern recognition, etc. THINKING – reasoning, abstraction, analysis, synthesis, meta-cognition, etc. MAKING MEANING – semantic processing, languaging, narrative, metaphor, etc.
So, when we look at your head brain (let’s call it your “mind” if that’s less confusing) – when we bring it into balance (left and right hemispheres), we find that together it can create some magic. When the left and the right hemispheres work together, you can experience:
being present – “just be”
being conscious of your thoughts & feelings
the consciousness of what you know
holding a balanced perspective
integrating seemingly opposing views
staying in a flow state of creativity or working
maximising your creativity
using curiosity to inquire further without getting caught up in outcomes
learning to transform and grow, rather than memorising or rote learning.
But mBraining takes this inner conflict resolution so much further. We don’t just stay in our heads and our thoughts and perceptions about our feelings. We actually drop into allowing ourselves to feel and acknowledge our deepest needs.
from mBraining: using your multiple brains to do cool stuff (by Grant Soosalu & Marvin Oka)
5 steps to resolving inner conflicts using mBraining
Step 1 – Start with compassion
With mBraining, we are going to start at heart – with compassion. Take a few moments to connect with love for yourself and others. If you need to, do a short meditation or balanced breathing exercise focusing on compassion and self-care. Work on reaching a state where you can feel a connection to yourself, your feelings and emotions, and connect with the people in your life who are important to you. Then, from this place and state of compassion and love, ask yourself, what do I want and desire?
You might also add to this question, what about this situation or desire is important to me?
If you are the kind of person that prefers journalling to simply sitting in thought, spend some time journaling about this. But make sure that you are not writing down “thoughts”, but rather coming from your heart and feelings. Notice the difference between asking yourself, “what do I think I want?” and the question, “what do I want?”.
Throughout the exercise, imagine that your breath passes through your heart and connects with your heart and feelings each time you inhale.
Step 2 – Brain-storming
Imagine that all that love and compassion you feel is placed inside a balloon and floats from your heart up into your head. Allow that balloon to explode, flooding your head with compassion and love. Considering your wants and desires, and taking into account what is important to you, begin the process of brainstorming solutions.
At this stage, you want to brainstorm without criticism and judgement.
You might want to get a large paper for this (I often brainstorm with paper that is 3ft x 3ft – about 1 m2). Allow yourself to get creative and imaginative. I often incorporate mind mapping into this process – just allowing myself to write down ideas and lines between connections of ideas. It gets messy! The purpose of this exercise is simply to open your mind to curiosity and possibilities.
What if I could solve this problem?
What if I could simply live my life fulfilling my want and desire while being compassionate to myself and others?
Once you have jotted down all these ideas, take a moment to step back and analyse them: Which ideas are the most compassionate to yourself and others? Do you demonstrate love to the important people in your life through these ideas? Which of these ideas allows you to truly take care of yourself?
Another aspect to consider when evaluating all your ideas is – are your values and what you hold essential recognised in these ideas? Which of these ideas upholds your values?
Finally, are these ideas congruent with your priorities?
Allow yourself to return to a place of feeling – not just thinking – and feel how different ideas connect with you. Which ideas bring you joy? Which ideas spark passion and happiness within you? Just notice how you feel when you consider the different options.
Step 3 – Considering your needs
Once you have identified the ideas and possibilities that reflect your love for yourself and others, it’s time to also bring those ideas down into your gut space. That part of you is responsible for your safety, security & self-preservation!
Take each idea individually, and ask yourself, “does this option bring me safety and security?” Notice how this feels in your belly – especially that area where you feel nervous or anxious (if you are talking on stage or going to do a presentation). Which of these options gives me butterflies in my stomach – the kind that tells me that this is exciting and slightly beyond my comfort zone? Do any of these make me feel like I’m about to hop on a rollercoaster?
Depending on your available time, you might take a couple of hours just to digest all these ideas. If you need a couple of days, give yourself time to simply ruminate on these ideas and mull them over. How do they feel in your heart? What do you sense in your gut when you consider different ideas? There is a reason why we talk about “sleeping on it” – take your time (but not too much time) – to allow yourself to consider your needs, especially safety, security & self-preservation.
Before you finish this part of the exercise, ask yourself one last question: “Is this who I am?”
When I truly love myself and others – is this who I am?
Make sure that the option you choose meets your needs and feels good within you as to who you are as a person. Once again – notice that the question is not “is this who I think I am?” — but simply “is this who I am?”.
Step 4 – Honoring your value and worth.
It’s entirely possible that at this stage, you only have a couple of options you are still considering – but hopefully, you have more than one option available. Take time to sit with these ideas – back in your heart space – and just hold the ideas lightly with love and compassion. Make sure that you are holding not only love and compassion for others but also for yourself!
Which of these ideas do you value the most? Which one speaks to honouring and valuing you?
Go through each option, and consider how you relate and connect with other people when you choose one option or another? How does this choice affect your relationships? What might change? How do you feel about that potential change?
Step 5 – Visualization and planning
Finally, sit down with that option that you have finally chosen and visualize and imagine yourself doing this.
What plans do you need to make over the coming days, weeks or months?
How much time will you need?
What conversations will you need to have – with partners, children, coworkers or family members?
Who will you become if you choose this option?
Then, come back into your heart space and the first answers you wrote down in step 1 – “what do I want and desire?”. Does this option feel like it satisfies these wants and desires? When you visualise and plan it all out – do you see yourself as content, happy and satisfied?
mBraining brings alignment and clarity
The beauty of the mBraining process is that it brings all those conflicting ideas, knowledge, wants and needs together into a single picture! Rather than trying to choose between them, you work to create a single solution that considers all aspects of you being you – with compassion and love!
This doesn’t mean that there are no problematic conversations or decisions – but you have these from a place of clarity. When you have to choose “the lesser of two evils”, you choose the one that aligns best with your values, needs, and desires. And quite often, you can come up with another option that was not on the table when you started the process.
People may say – I don’t know how to choose – should I follow my heart or listen to my gut? I don’t know what I think… With mBraining, “I have to choose one or the other” just go away. You don’t have to choose between your brains! Ideally, you should be using ALL of them all of the time.
September was no different – and I can laugh at myself and others!
Mum told me she choked on her tea when she saw I’d posted this on Facebook.
My job is done here!
Any time I get mum to choke on her drink when she sees what I’ve posted – “Mission Accomplished”.
I light up the room!
I mean… if I can’t light it up one way, there are always other ways to achieve my purpose. Right?
We all have that one friend…
How many times has she come back crying because it turns out she was chasing a bad boy again?
It was evident from the start how it was going to end, right?
They aren’t D.I.Y. projects! This is not a “fixer-upper”.
I’m running late. Again.
Most of the time, this isn’t me. Unless the introvert that wanted to stay home kicks in. And didn’t really want to go. And just feels obligated to make an appearance. Then I’m running late!
And the best find this week:
This picture of a car made exclusively by women. By Ford, nonetheless.
Found. On. Road. Dead.
“What’s wrong?” How does every woman respond? “Nothing”.
How’s your week and month going? I didn’t make a lot of time for memes in August!
This was a great reminder when I wasn’t feeling my best: my best friend and my worst enemy are me! And what I eat, and how I choose to live, impact my well-being, whether I like it or not.
Could I really learn to do things differently?
Of course, I regularly beat myself up for doing things the hard way.
Well, let’s be honest, sometimes I pretend that I have my shit together.
But we all know that’s not the real truth.
My reality looks a lot more like this:
You, too, can be an example:
But don’t worry – you can also be an example for others!
We’re quick to jump to conclusions and think other people have their shit together.
But do they really? They might not. Their shit might be all over the place!
Coffee: because we all need coffee!
A little piece of history:
Not everyone has a place at the table!
Sure, it sounds a little harsh – but you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. You can’t change the people around you – but you can change the people around you!
Your friendly reminder:
And as you are walking into the new week, just remember:
I might have been a little busy in recent weeks, and while I have continued to make and post memes on Facebook, I haven’t done a great job of sharing them here!
So, apparently, I posted something in April that went “against community standards” because FB doesn’t understand sarcasm and satire! But they hit me on July 1st with a new 90-day “account restriction”.
I can’t win against the Metaverse Gods!
I will simply accept doing my time!
Because, really, I’m never going to stop shit-posting!
It’s just not going to happen!
Some great new quotes!
A harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very dangerous man who has that under voluntary control. Jordan Peterson
They say that a genius is one step ahead of the times and a lunatic is two steps ahead.
So, am I behind or ahead?
Okay… so maybe, just perhaps, she didn’t say this.
I consider myself well-read. Apparently, I still have so much more to learn!
This week I discovered the existence of H.L. Mencken, and I wondered, “Where have I been all these years that I didn’t even know these writings existed?”.
Some of the gems I discovered from Mencken:
“There are some politicians who promise something for everyone. If their constituents were cannibals, would promise them missionaries for dinner, fattened at public expense.”
― H.L. Mencken
“The urge to save humanity is almost always only a false-face for the urge to rule it. Power is what all messiahs really seek: not the chance to serve.”
― H.L. Mencken
“Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.”
― H.L. Mencken
“Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule—and both commonly succeed, and are right.”
― H. L. Mencken
“The trouble with Communism is the Communists, just as the trouble with Christianity is the Christians.”
― H.L. Mencken
“The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by an endless series of hobgoblins, most of them imaginary.”
― H.L. Mencken
“A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.”
― H.L. Mencken
“The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out for himself, without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, and intolerable…”
― H.L. Mencken
“Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.”
― H.L. Mencken
“As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”
― H.L. Mencken
And in other news…
What you say and how you say it matters… Font matters. Words matter. Tone matters.
Life happens! But, it hasn’t stopped me from making the memes and sharing them on Facebook!
So, while I’m no longer married, I can certainly relate to being called a witch! It was more than just my knowledge of herbal teas!
While I was on the topic of dissing the challenges of living as a couple:
And the last one about marriage for this week:
When was the last time you pulled a prank?
I was on a call with a good friend – one of those friends that in 30 minutes of talking, you spend twenty minutes in belly laughs – and we got to talking about the pranks we used to pull.
Here’s a gem she shared that used to appease her road rage and frustration:
Do I look like I care?
There was a time when I would literally respond to people with “why don’t you tell someone who cares?”. Yes, I was also in chronic pain at the time, but it came out in the most inappropriate ways.
But still, the road to recovery taught me that trying to live up to other people’s expectations and please people was much more than my body could handle. It wasn’t really about telling them rudely where to go. The healing journey was about letting go of my worry about their thoughts and expectations!
Can I ever be immune?
There was a time in my office when I would look at staff with pain and ask “did you read the instructions I left with the file?”.
Yeap… nope! They hadn’t.
First, they would come up with the question “what am I supposed to do?”…
I am not known for a polite response.
The reality of being a single mum:
It took me a long time to accept that this wasn’t one of those things I could just handle alone!
Curious & Creative 